I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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