and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
