you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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