oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
