Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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