No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
