Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
