I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
