Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
