in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
