Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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