It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
