I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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