True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
