I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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