I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
