your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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