He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
