She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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