Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
