so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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