I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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