Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
