Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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