so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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