your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
