His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
