At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
