id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
