How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
