I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
