She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
