So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
