one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
