Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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