More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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