Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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