Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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