Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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