Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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