Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
