i would punch a child for taco bell
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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