I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
