1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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