I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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