Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
