I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
