You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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