I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
