I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
