I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
