In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
