singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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