listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize