My nipple is on Facebook.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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