I think my vagina is haunted
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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