the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
