Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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