I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
