1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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